Fun-Filled Balloon Hat

I’m ashamed. I was in Woking the other day, window-shopping and reminiscing on the days of studentdom when i could actually afford pointless things (other than those plastic bucket and spades in the obligatory 1 pound shops) when i stumbled on a man in a silly balloon hat, offering for “only a pound, mister” similar multi-coloured balloon extravaganzas. I couldn’t resist – I duly purchased a hat with a little balloon doggy on it. I was as happy as a pig in the proverbial, I really was. Until I walked off, straight into a huge man with a dog and a coat like a cut-down horse blanket, who clearly hadn’t seen a bath in months. He was selling the Big Issue so he could stay out of the rain for just one night. For only a pound. Which I had just spent on a silly hat. After giving him a weak smile, pointing by way of explanation at my fun-filled hat, I slunk off, thoroughly embarrassed. As I passed, I could hear him muttering, with a face like a dog chewing a wasp, “Bloody balloon bastard, stealing all my trade.” He strode off in the direction of the balloon seller, wad of Big Issues held in a highly threatening manner. I fear the balloon seller has paid a high price for his success…