The phrasebook of the Modern Drunkard

We appear to have a cockatiel in our kitchen.

Taller man are more sexually attractive – the BBC says so.
Well, that EXPLAINS it.

It’s been getting a little freaky recently. Only the other day, I thoroughly defeated Damon Hill in a race to a set of lights in Guildford, and just a couple of days before I found myself talking to Chris Evans and Billie Piper (an episode I unforgivably failed to mention on here – I humbly apologise, I really do). Which neatly brings me onto today’s lunch date with my good friend Simon B. He is a networker par extraordinaire, and knows all the right people, so it shouldn’t have come as any shock that both he and a lot of people he and I met that lunchtime seemed to know the guy who recently died sailing with Chris Evans. It was the main topic of conversation, with me vigorously defending the talents of Mr Evans, while many others fought my view with an insinuation that there was ‘something highly suspicious about it all”. And frankly, as I left Simon to his late lunch date with the local nightclub, casino and bar owner (and highly influential bod) Michel Harper, I really shouldn’t have been shocked to bump into entertainment veteran Bruce Forsyth, hurrying around a blind corner with his glamorous wife.
I could get used to this.

Drip drip drip. Next door’s gutter was at it again. The rain had buckled the poor gutter to smithereens, and it was cunningly dripping from a great height onto a sheet of tarpaulin, handily keeping the whole road up. Yells were coming from various sleep-diprived houses, and dogs were yowling. Mind you, it’s not the first time. It was last October when the same piece of gutter broke, rendering the owner of the house, a Mr Siddle, soaking wet as it dumped its load. Then, a few months later, it really went for it, and split in two, hitting the poor man on the head.
Now here’s the 3rd coming. Mr Siddle must be quaking in his rapidly-filling boots.

Look closely… not the best advert for Content Management…

Shape Of Your Mind – try it. It’s spooky because it works. (via B3ta)

Myself self-induced hangover was only beginning to wear off during the long slog home from work this evening. An office ‘night out’ is always carnage, but never again will i have one mid-week. As I idled into the ever-present traffic jam in the centre of Guildford, I saw a gorgeous shiny car a little ahead of me. My manliness getting the better of me, I proposed to show what a shiny and powerful car I’d also just bought, and made it my mission to sidle up alongside and beat this monstrous beast to the lights. The driver noticed my eagerness, and we duelled all the way up to the lights, each edging ahead all the way up the hill. My work done, and a surprising and unassailable lead built up, I glanced casually over at my beaten competitor, smiling inanely and his obviously poor car handling and driving skills.
There, grinning back, was Damon Hill, sometime Formula One world champion.

The happiest victim of theft. Ever (via The Register)

BlogTree.com. I’m on there. Are you? (end of dramatic advertisement-type speil)