March 2004 Archives - 4/4 -

Obesity – Throwing The Jowell In

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“Chocolate bar slogans will be rewritten to highlight the negative effects of eating them, for example ‘a Mars a day makes you fat and ugly’, or ‘Lion –
it’s a bastard of a bar’, or ‘it’s the air in the Aero that gives
you wind and blocks your capillaries’…. The names of chocolate
bars will be changed to give more a accurate suggestion of their
content; Rolos will become ‘Cholesterolos’, Kit Kat will become
‘Kit Kalorie’, and Cadbury’s Mini Eggs will become
‘Phenylethylamini Eggs’.” (via The Friday Thing)

An even smaller world

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It’s A Small World – episode 2.
An old friend David B currently toils as a wage-slave for an accountancy firm in Kent. They’ve drafted in the auditors today, and David managed to strike up a conversation with one amidst the humdrum of work. They went to the pub (bear with me, the story gets better). Over a creamy chicken salad, David mentioned that he came from Haslemere. “That’s where my girlfriend lives,” pipes up Ed the auditor before asking that million-to-one question that always comes up between the recently-introduced, “do you know Elli?”. And sure enough, one of those amazing concidences descends on that pub a million-ish miles from home, as David explains that Elli C is in fact one of his best college friends, and over a nice well-headed Kronenburg discover that despite having only just met they have rather a lot in common…

Elli’s Mad April Run

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“It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.”
Tom Brokaw
Just a quick (and belated) plea to support my well-endowed friend Elli C, who sent an email telling me I was one of her “bestest friends ever” – flattery is always guaranteed to get a response out of me – and that she is running the London Marathon (she’s utterly mad, but I’m very proud) on 18th April for PHAB, a charity for the Physically Handicapped and Able Bodied. Her target is ?1000, and she’s got ?300 at the last count. So donate generously at:
Now, I’m not up to speed on long-distanced running, but I can offer her one piece of advice: may I suggest a sturdy sports bra.

Faisal gets Wrapped

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It’s a small world. Reading my daily edition of The Wrap – a popular online Guardian email summarising the mornings newspapers for people with poor time management – I noted the latest editor, an good friend from college named Faisal. I’ve finally got an inroad into the media…

Tinkering and Fiddling

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A briefish tinkering under the bonnet, and I’ll expect much higher search-engine rankings in a few days. I also managed to change the menu at the top there, but it took so damn long I gave up well before the end. Consequently, a chorus of “amateurish”, “ill-fitting” and “out of place” rained down from fellow comrades. Ah well, a bit more tinkering needed…

Open Mike – the final farewell

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“All good things must come to an end.”
Devastating news – the Open Mike night at the Cranley Hotel is coming to an end, and the finale is this Saturday. Years of fun we’ve had there, singing the old classics, more often with a fine acapella finale of “Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz”.
Everyone’s welcome for a rousing send off – click here for a map if you’re in the area. I’ll be the tall, loud one at the front. It’ll be great. Here’s a little missive from Jac:
Dear All

And so that sad time has come, that announcement that we feared might one day materialise has cropped up, that news that we never expected to hear but knew deep down that it was inevitable has arrived, yes, open mic night in the Cranley Hotel is to cease from 6th March.

Having provided us with music every Saturday night without fail for almost four years, Sparky will turn his attentions to fatherhood and leave the weekend entertainment to the pub landlord. As all of you know, Open Mic night has been the source of many-an-amusing scene and countless antics have occurred on such occasions. This truly is a historic announcement.

It is very sad to see the Open Mic evening disappear from the entertainment calendar, but times change and new approaches to entertaining Joe Public need to be made. However, since we have become so fond of Open Mic night over the years and since we have so many fond memories of Saturday nights in the Hotel, I think it our duty to give Sparky and the final Open Mic night the send off it deserves.

I am therefore inviting you to attend Open Mic ‘The Final Encore’ at the Cranley Hotel on Saturday 6th March. Please do try to attend and show your support for Sparky and the work and effort he has put in over the years to keep us entertained.

I hope to see you there.