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Simon H is due to be a policeman. This, as you may have gathered, is only one of several things that have immeasurably changed Simon in the last few years – he now has a wife, a son and a Ford Mondeo. However, it doesn’t stop him having fun with Post It notes at his mum’s house while she was out. The aftermath: “Mum thought it was hilarious, but Chris [stepdad] not so much.”